CrossFitters often find themselves in some pretty odd circumstances. Yup, we’re talking about #CrossFitProblems. To get the right information, I had to go to the right people—other CrossFitters. Thankfully, they’re not in short supply, and when asked about what CrossFit problems they deal with on a daily basis, I knew that I had struck gold at the end of the WOD rainbow. Chances are, you’ll nod your head in silent approval as you make your way through this list that reminds you that the CrossFit life is not all sunshine and PR’s. Enjoy.
Those damn jeans. As you start to bulk up or slim down, getting your existing jeans to stay on (or come off) is a real pain in the ass—pun intended. So naturally you go looking for a new pair, except your butt and thighs now look like they’ve been sculpted by Michelangelo, thanks to all those squats. With a slim waist, tree trunk thighs and a rumbustious posterior that would make Kim Kardashian blush, finding the right pair of jeans—especially for the WOD’ing gal—truly is a CrossFit problem.
Part of the problem of (literally) beefing up your diet with extra protein—whether from shakes or food—is that you might start to experience some unpleasant…side effects. You know what I’m talking about. These days you’re filled with enough gas to power a zeppelin. And if you’re making a trip to the bathroom, you better bring a good book with you and buckle down for the ride. You’re going to be there for a while.
Cuts, scrapes and bruises
Probably the most obvious CrossFit problem that we all endure is the most obvious, in the sense that the cuts, bumps and bruises that are part and parcel with the sport are right there for the world to see. Some of us may display these battle wounds proudly as it can make you feel like a bad ass, but sometimes the looks you get aren’t ones of respect or awe. Walking around with some nasty cuts on your shins or a nice shiner on your collarbone from those cleans may lead to your coworkers asking you if you’ve joined a fight club. And what about shaking hands with a client or new acquaintance? Better wrap those torn palms up nicely. Or just say screw it and go all Wolverine on their ass.
DOMS (Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness)
As I’ve written before (and you’ve probably found out by now), there’s nothing you can do to stop the onset of DOMS the day (or even 48 hours) after a brutal WOD. You can only hope to lessen the blow that will inevitably come. The symptoms of DOMS aren’t the most pleasant. Stiffness, soreness, the inability to get out of bed in the morning, brush your teeth or break into a quick walk without gritting your teeth and grunting through the pain in your muscles. All you can do is mobilize, get your active recovery on and sacrifice to the CrossFit gods for a speedy recovery, just so you can repeat the process again the next day.
Getting the damn clip off the bar
You’d think that with all that strength we’re getting from repeated squats, presses, jerks, pull-ups and kettlebell swings, we’d be able to perform the relatively simple task of taking the safety clip off of the barbell. Not so. For some reason, sliding that simple piece of metal off the bar is a herculean task that is almost as challenging as the WOD itself.
Yes, CrossFit and math go hand in hand. Calculating percentages, rep counts, WOD times and weight on the bar makes you feel like you’re back in math class. I’m here to work out, not nerd out on the calculator! How many CrossFitters does it take to take the 135lbs on the bar up to 240lbs (two 45s, two 5s & two 2.5s –in case you were wondering!). CrossFit: Making you fitter AND smarter.
Smelly car seats
Now, this is a unique problem that I’m glad to say that I don’t have to deal with, because I don’t have to drive to get to my box. But I hear that for many people, jumping in the car seat with still-sweaty clothes is a real bitch. Apparently, the dampness from the fabric of your clothing transfers to the material of the car seat, making your automobile stink and leaving a distinctive wet patch that takes a while to dissipate. So after you’ve showered and gotten into your fresh clothes (which are probably still CrossFit-related), you’ll jump back into your car to perform some errands only to find that your back is glued to the seat and you’re nice and wet again. I guess some people don’t choose the CrossFit lifestyle—the CrossFit lifestyle chooses them.