1- The Warm-Up Destroyer
“Ok guys, take it nice and easy in the warm-up, no need to rush”. This isn’t the case for everyone in your class. For the Warm-Up destroyer, your coach might as well have uttered, “3,2,1 GO!” As you take your time with your air squats and focus on your form in the pushups, a slight glance to the side reveals the destroyer crushing the warm-up as if their life depended on it. No need to play it safe for these guys—the glory of finishing first in the warm-up is all that matters.
2- The Bare-Chested Beast
Not two minutes into a WOD, and the discomfort is just too much for the man. Off comes the shirt, and with this newfound sense of freedom, he is ready to venture forth into the rest of the workout, and sweat away to his heart’s content. Come rain or shine, a tee is nowhere to be seen—and don’t think that the beast is exclusive to men, either…
3- The Gear Borrower
When you see this athlete roll into class, try not to make eye contact. As the Gear Borrower shuffles around the cubbyholes, searching for spare wrist-wraps and tape, you hunker down or head to the bathroom, lest they ask you if you might have some spare gear that they could use for the class.
But watch out! Sometimes, borrowing your gear isn’t enough for your forgetful friends; they need to borrow your equipment, too. Don’t think your pull-up bar, barbell or kettle-bell is safe near these guys. All the more incentive to take fewer breaks in the WOD in an effort to make sure your designated equipment stays yours.
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4-The Chalk Monster
Easy to spot by the telltale trail of white powder, these monsters cover themselves in chalk, as well as everything they touch. Engulfed in a cloud of white smoke, their addiction to chalk is as infuriating as their requirement to use it for EVERY. SINGLE. EXERCISE.
5- The Screamer
Everyone is entitled to their grunts and yells during the 1RM days or tough workouts. But the situation changes when the Screamer turns up. Oh yes, bring your earbuds because it doesn’t matter what you’ll be doing in the WOD, only one thing is for certain: from beginning to end, the cries of the Screamer will punctuate the air and continue, until you decide to switch your class time to free yourself from the deafening blows to your poor psyche.
6 – Mr/Mrs. Selfie
For Mr. or Mrs. Selfie, the workout doesn’t end until the well-staged proof has been posted on Instagram. Stand near this person at the end of a WOD and you’ll undoubtedly be asked, “Hey, can you take a quick picture?”—which of course means: we’re here till we get it right, so get ready.
7- The Talker
Trying to get pumped for the day’s grueling WOD? Then stay away from the Talker! Yeah, part of the CrossFit experience is the community, but to the Talker, there are no boundaries. This person is especially dangerous during the rest period of an interval workout. Tread carefully.
8- The No-Repper
If you think the No-Repper is standing watch and yelling ‘No-Rep’ to keep people honest, then we’ve led you astray with the name. The No-Repper is actually notorious for sacrificing form for time/weight. Yeah, the No-Repper just did a 400lb squat, but it looked more like a slight bend of the knee than ass-to-the grass. Full range of motion simply isn’t in this person’s vocabulary.
9- The Questionable Counter
Suspicion tends to loom around this athlete after a WOD. “There’s no way they did that many reps,” you utter to yourself as you estimate their score. Time and reps on the whiteboard are more of an approximation than hard numbers. “30 reps for time?” When it comes to the Questionable Counter, this might as well read “Around 30 reps for time”.